If your marriage is struggling, however, marriage counseling therapy may be your only hope of moving forward as a couple. Keep reading for nine telltale signs you need marriage counseling.
Most people think the antonym of love is hate. However, hate still conveys a sense of passion, a sense of caring. If you or your spouse have gotten to a point in your relationship where you no longer care enough to fight or argue, couple counseling might be necessary.
This includes:. As suggested above, indifference can be a sign that you need marriage therapy. However, too much passion can also be a negative thing. Like a fire, passion burning out of control can be devastating.
This type of dysfunctional interaction can make genuine communication and progress nearly impossible. A competent therapist may be able to help you and your partner learn how to recover from a bad fight, and how to have more productive communication. Counseling for relationships may also be necessary when people start keeping secrets from one another.
While total honesty should be the goal of every marriage, there is an unspoken rule about acceptable white lies. However, when couples start lying to one another or keeping secrets about things of significance, it could convey a larger problem in the relationship. All couples struggle to maintain the same level of physical intimacy after the first few years of marriage.
However, if you struggle to be intimate with your spouse at all, or feel a lack of intimacy from them, it may be time to find a marriage counselor. Names have been changed. Four years later, their marriage is stronger than ever. We had two very small children — one very planned and one, a year later, very unplanned.
We had to have IVF to have our first child, which had taken a toll on us. I got postnatal depression, and suddenly I was pregnant again. It was a happy shock, but financially, it was very tough going.
I ended up having to work part-time within four weeks of having the baby. He was shocked when I said it. I felt like I needed a referee because I was in the right, so I suggested counselling. I remember walking into a church building and feeling very uncomfortable about that. Eventually he might get coaxed to say something.
We had to learn to talk to each other once again and remember that we were friends before we ever got together. Things got worse financially before they got better, but the initial counselling had set us up somewhat to be prepared for the storm that came. The only person who can help you is you. And Cathy was dealing with the miscarriages. I suppose there was one or two questions that got a line of conversation opened up. In the house I grew up in, I never heard my dad talk about feelings.
A lot of what was going on was because of the financial strain we were under. The kids are happier. After we moved, with the weight of what we had gone through on top of us, I ended up in a deep depression. I got counselling at Pieta House and that helped me to function, just to help me keep my head above water. Luke and Danielle, who are in their 30s, attended couples counselling for seven months before they got married in They have no children.
My instinct was to fix it, instead of listening to what she had to say. We were living like friends more than a couple, and our relationship was struggling. My inability to speak my mind was the hardest thing for me to overcome. After two or three sessions, we got into it. Our counsellor said she was watching our body language, and she could see there was a bond between the two of us.
It was good to hear that. It did. It got the issues that we both carried from our previous relationships to the fore. It gave us a clean slate, like we were starting afresh. I had been in a long-term relationship before which ended very abruptly with my ex-partner coming out as gay, so I was carrying a lot of anxiety. We had a good relationship before, but I think there were areas we were struggling with.
But here we were sitting beside each other, with very little knowledge of the inner workings of the other person. It was very emotional. We both cried for most of it. All the questions had two answers: your answer, and what you thought your partner would say. Over the space of seven months we worked through each of these questions.
There was lots that was hard to hear, and lots that was hilarious too. Got a minute? Sign up below. Follow Terry on Twitter , Facebook , and movingpastdivorce.
Search for:. This will only breed resentment. Learn to resolve conflicts skillfully. Couples who try to avoid conflict are at risk of developing stagnant relationships, which can put them at high risk for divorce. Establish an open-ended dialogue. Be realistic about a time-line for change. It takes more than a few sessions to shed light on the dynamics and to begin the process of change. If toxic relationship patterns can be identified early and agreed upon, the process of real change can begin.
A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective and learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist. Partners can begin to build trust and improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions.
Couples can decide to rebuild their marriage and make a renewed commitment, or clarify the reasons why they need to separate or end the marriage.
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